Time does fly quickly, fourteen years later and I still have the memories of this day like it was yesterday. To be honest before this day, I always thought that death only happens to other families and old people. I felt my own family could survive any illness and most importantly death (Okay well until they were 199 years old where they could die in their sleep quietly).
At this time as well 11 year old me got to understand that death means after all the noise of people coming in and out of your home for a week making funeral arrangements and coming to pray for you, and all is said and done, it’s now time to start living without your loved one.
You would think after experiencing the loss of a mother and trying to rebuild our lives trying to adjust without one family member,would mean you have now experienced enough loss its time to move to older people and a different family. But life does not work like that. Losing my mum, later my dad and recently my brother has taught me life is short.
I wish I had profound words of wisdom for all those who have been through loss to make the pain go away but I am still trying to figure it out myself. At the moment I’m still in the process of grief, new self discovery and ensuring I make the most of my life. But I can say this; I have learnt that people grief differently and every loss brings a change in you that is unexpected.
Like I always hid behind my mother so I never could speak up, I was very timid but I now had to learn to speak for myself. I became rebellious after the loss of my dad, I gave my sisters a run for their money for a while. The death of my sister’s baby Nate taught me life is short. And recently after the loss of my brother in June, I realise that I am hanging on a little tighter to my sisters, best friends and friends. And I am a more expressive person than I was ( for instance I am writing this to share to the public). And I say what’s on my mind more.
There is no standard time limit and there is no right or wrong way to feel while experiencing grief. Everyone must learn to cope in their own way. Happy anniversary Mummy. Forever in my heart. I celebrate you.